WHERE IS USAIN KHUMALO?

That boy Usain Bolt, he reminds me of my little brothers. You’ve seen him haven’t you, at the Beijing Olympics? Yeah, he’s the quick one, runs 100m and 200m events. At the 100m final he’s broken the record, set by himself, from 9.72 to a staggering 9.69 seconds. How do you run 9.7m per second? Tick, tock, tick, tock, and he’s halfway there… In the 200m final he slashed Michael Johnson's long-standing 1996 record to post 19.30 seconds. Again, 9.7 metres per second.

He listens to his iPod at the track before an event, dances too, and not just a bobbing of the head but a real dance like you do at the club. He looks up, pounds his own chest, pulls on his vest to show us the word “Jamaica” and then his fingers pull up one, one, one. Today he came up close and personal on the camera “I am number one, I am number one!” Human beings get turned off by such behaviour, we think it’s uncouth, disrespectful, we detest it. On some level we are also jealous of it. Maybe some day when his records get broken, when a newer, younger, faster version of himself emerges, Bolt won’t be so cocky. Maybe.

And maybe that guy will be from our very own Mzansi. Eish, don’t laugh. It’s possible. You know Bolt and the man he’s dismantled so ruthlessly Asafa Powell, are from the same neighbourhood in Kingston, Jamaica. It’s a very poor area which can easily be substituted for another area called Katlehong or Meadowlands or Langa. Yet Mzansi has no Olympic champs in the 100m and 200m sprints. Hell, at the moment we are still dizzy from celebrating our only Beijing medal so far, a silver from that tall boy Khotso Mokoena in the long jump. How come? How come there are no Usain Khumalos out there?

The best explanation I could think of was that we have no development at all. None. And today I will refrain from dishing out blame and instead offer a bit of light on the situation. Firstly, money doesn’t buy success. Ask Mamelodi Sundowns. Secondly, determination doesn’t bring success. Thirdly, Father Time is a man who never looks back nor does he ever walk backwards. Never. So if we want a Usain Khumalo to at least appear for the 100m final, we need to realistically think about 2016. In 2012 it will not happen. Bolt has been running this way since he was a junior at school. He ran a time of under 20 seconds for the 200m as a junior, first time that’s ever happened. That was seven years ago and he was still 15 years old.

Development is not a knee-jerk reaction, it’s not a plan B or C, and it’s not a money issue. Funny enough Mzansi has way more money than Kenya or Ethiopia. But on the Olympics medal table, Mzansi ranks 60th while Kenya is 20th and Ethiopia 25th. Even Zimbabwe (30th) is outdoing us at the biggest games meeting in the world. No offence to Zim but y’all know what’s been happening there. I have been saying to someone that we need to expand our repertoire, include sports like weightlifting, judo, water polo, handball etc. Not just for a few but in places where these did not exist before, places like kwaMashu and Botshabelo, in Tzaneen or kaBhokweni. Schools are the leaders here, we need to follow their lead but they must then take the initiative. Obviously government and business leaders must fund this party otherwise come 2016 we’ll still be asking “how did this happen to us”? The value of hard work and sacrifice needs to be engraved into our psyche. Once I had a conversation with a top photographer who happened to be white. He said he was looking for a black “apprentice” so to speak, had found a few potentials but they weren’t willing to do what it takes, which is early mornings, deadlines, late payments, prima donnas etc. Long hours of course and at first, very little pay. That started me thinking about our sports stars, particularly the football okes who leave the country as hot shots but fall on their own swords overseas. It’s not that we are less talented or less capable. We just don’t want to put in the required hours into it.

I know we can do it so let’s be realistic about things, put in the blocks one by one, take the time and Olympic glory will be ours. Promise.

THE MINISTER HAS LEFT

Surprisingly there seems to be a lot of news surrounding the sacking/ non-sacking of two of the country’s Premiers, Ibrahim Rasool and Nosimo Balindlela. Rasool and Balindlela are rumoured to have been fired out of their posts by the ANC’s NEC over the weekend, but no official word has come out yet. The two run Western Cape and Eastern Cape respectively. These provinces are among the bunch that usual score low marks either on delivery issues or on the fact that an ANC government isn’t in sole power there. There are one or two others in these categories, Free State and Mpumalanga come to mind.

What surprised me on this occasion was, firstly the reaction of DA leader Helen Zille who, only two weeks ago was lambasting Rasool for not taking active steps in helping people affected by the recent floods of the Cape, forcing the city of Cape Town to stretch its own resources. She is now saying Rasool should fight the ANC legally because he has a case against such a firing, if there is one. This week a foe, next week a friend. Oh, what do we have in Zille? Rasool is an ANC man and my feeling is that he will not go this route at all, either out of pure loyalty to the party or for fear of being retaliated against at a later stage. Remember, we are only months away from the 2009 elections and all the soldiers are positioning themselves for higher positions in government. Rasool will not be a fool and fight his bosses when they ask him to step aside. Neither will Balindlela for that matter. Both would have watched Dr Alan Boesak and learnt from him.

As for being “Mbeki supporters” as it has been reported, this is neither here nor there because the ANC gave the President the powers to hire Premiers at his whim. Therefore by extension, all the Premiers currently working in the country, are Mbeki’s people, so to speak. The ANC later lived to deeply regret this decision bestowed upon its former president. What has not been said is whether Jacob Zuma will also have the same powers or not. And yes, I am assuming Zuma will be the next President of Mzansi. Let’s not for one second, be hoodwinked by the impending trial and all that surrounds it; the man is coming into power come April 2009.

Major reshuffles are coming too and we will see these prominently in parliament, but mostly in the public figures that are the cabinet ministers. It goes without saying that Mrs Mlambo-Nguka will not be in the same position by this time next year for one. Mantombazana Tshabalala-Msimang and Mosiuoa Gerard Patrick Letoka are also on this list. I am told too by those who know best that more than half the current crop will not be returning, willingly or otherwise. A few the public will not miss, but the biggest question is about Trevor Manuel at Treasury, for he is now a darling in the world of finance. People who have lots of money care only about this guy and these folks often have the loudest voices. His partner Maria Ramos is probably not renewing her contract at Transnet towards the end of the year so it could be a fresh new start for both of them, somewhere.

A Premier reshuffle is nothing new, especially in this country. Noise cannot be made when this is done, but I suppose questions can be raised if it is done before a Premier’s term in office has expired. Why not wait until the elections? The only reason I could think of is that the ANC is now very nervous about the Western Cape, having won it by the narrowest of margins last time and still not ruling Cape Town itself. They therefore probably feel Rasool is not the man to win them these two constituencies. So who is?

Kabelo still on drugs? I never said that!

Three weeks ago a story appeared in the Sunday World about Kabelo, the kwaito/ Comrades star. Y’all will recall how he came out of the narcotics closet and declared himself messenger of JC and was duly anointed pastor at his church. Well the story, if you happen not to read the Sunday World, was about how his friend, fellow musician Gurash, had admitted to the paper that Kabz was a continuous supplier and consumer of these illegal substances from which we all believed he had abdicated. Gurash, the only source, was quoted extensively in this article. The kwaito trio Blackjack was formed when Gurash, a rapper with one CD under his belt, got together with now-Generations-actor Howza and Kabelo. The following Monday both Gurash and Kabelo appeared on The Avenue show on METRO FM as a means of clearing the air. Said reporter was also invited to partake but apparently didn’t pick up his phone when the calling eventually came.

Basically Gurash denied ever making such claims against Kabz, saying he spoke to the esteemed tabloid yes, but it was all about his upcoming solo CD. Nothing else. The Kabelo story was never even discussed. My problem landed right there and then. In 1908 all a reporter relied upon was his/her notebook and memory in telling the story as it really was. In 2008 reporters have dictaphones, cell phones that can record stuff, video cameras, all sorts of other recording devices. In 2008 you really cannot be misquoted, unless a problem arose during the sub-editing process. Even then the misquote would be minimal, a misspelt word or a wrong figure or something. Not the entire story!

Which genius artist manager lets his artist run off into the wilderness without advising him of such technologies? Two years ago I was privileged to sit down for two odd hours with Hugh Masekela for a one-on-one session. I brought along my dictaphone, as usual. He wanted to know why. I simply said “because you and I cannot trust each other to remember exactly what will be said here today”. The artist can make the excuse that it was a phone interview and therefore may have not been recorded on his side. If you are worth the story, you are certainly worth the journalist travelling to meet up with you somewhere, with his recording device. Mzansi tabloids are growing this reputation of creating stories and quoting sources who claim never to have been interviewed. The easiest, cheapest way out of this is to record the entire conversation, from both sides if possible. That way memories cannot be accused of faltering and lawsuits can be avoided.

Here blackie, have some BEE leftovers

Selling a 10% stake? Are you kidding me? Is that all? That is all I’m afraid. Vodacom is selling shares worth R7.5 billion to a large group of people, including its staff and others who are eligible to buy. This is a BEE transaction. This airtime company has a market value of over R75 billion, meaning that over R67 billion will still remain in hands other than those deemed to be BEE. Foreigners will make up the bulk of this – Vodafone being the largest of these – and others. The folk who actually keep the company in business by buying and using its airtime as well as its overpriced cell phone contracts will only get away with a maximum of R7.5 billion worth of Vodacom. Worse still, staff, the actual engine powering the Voda train are only allowed up to R1.87 billion of shares. Yoh! You must be joking for real.

Sasol, after being spanked on the wrist by Brian Molefe, the biggest single investor in the country, for not taking BEE and AA seriously, started scratching around for credible black faces to appear on its behalf at functions etc. Some were found, they came, some left. Thereafter a BEE share offer was made to the public and branded the biggest ever in the history of BEE. This part piqued my interest. So I picked up a sample prospectus of the offer and read it for myself. Sure enough the numbers were HUGE. We are talking something worth R30 billion. Big stuff. Until you scratch a little beneath the proverbial surface.

Firstly the list of advisors to the transaction – law firms, accounting firms, bankers etc – are all not exactly BEE themselves. So these folks will reap hundreds of millions for facilitating things even before the deal is sealed. Then I see there’s also a limit to how many shares are available. Worse, the shares do not constitute a direct ownership in Sasol, rather a vehicle towards direct ownership. It’s like buying into land on which a Chicken Licken fast food outlet stands, so you earn a portion of rent received, but nothing on Chicken Licken’s earnings. Your earnings only go up if rent is increased, but it pretty much stays the same. Even worse, you aren’t allowed to exit this deal for a period of 10 years! Who exactly is benefiting from this Sasol deal? Sasol themselves admit you CAN lose your money as this is a stock market-related transaction, so even after 10 years you could still come out empty handed.

Someone is asking if I have better ideas on how BEE can be better administered so that people truly gain from its existence. I do in fact, have better ideas. But no one is willing to pay me enough for them!