Criminals, kaizers and catfights

Hail Kaizer the new chief?
Like a syringe needle through the bum of a baby, Kaizer Motaung the young has been piercing through defenseless defenses in the PSL since he finally got the nod to get off the bench last season. After a few seasons of planting his bumprints on reserve benches, coach Ernst Middendorp saw the value this young man could bring to the Chiefs team and started him often. His faith is now being paid back. Tenfold. Carlos Alberto Parreira is still not convinced as evidenced by the boy’s exclusion from the Bafana lineup that drew against Swaziland and won against Chad a few months ago. Not a problem. Eventually he will be a disciple as well, I do believe this. Meanwhile, jnr faces a bigger challenge in the form of old daddy. Why now? Well, international scouts are a sleepless bunch who scour every field possible looking for new talent to exploit. Kaizer will soon be getting calls asking for his son’s foot in trial. Will the grand master allow his prodigy son to be lost to SA football so soon after finding his own foot? Could he really stand in his way, or will he practise what Chiefs always preaches, that the team never stands in the way of a player who wants to leave? And who will play agent in that transaction? Does jnr even have a manager, or do daddy and big brother Bobby represent him in such matters? Another matter that could complicate things further is the return of Muhsin Ertugral, who is one of the coaches that kept the young star on the bench for so long. I have an inkling that one of the deal-breakers to him returning to Chiefs was a clause that stipulated that he has to play junior in the starting eleven, or at least give him a fair and serious look. No way is senior going to let his young one’s value depreciate over a season after the season he’s just had. No way.

Catfight off the ramps
So one the organisers of Cape Town Fashion Week were not too happy with Mrs Precious Motsepe’s company creating its own fashion week in partnership with Audi? I ask because she is stunning and interesting on the next cover of TRIBUTE magazine. Anywho, said organisers quickly told the philanthropic Motsepe, a trained medical practitioner, to stick to healing people’s bodies and not try to dress them up as well. Fashion designers are obviously chaffed with this development since it gives their work more exposure to the market. Sour grapes? Jealousy? Or is it just normal catfights on the catwalk?




Smooth criminal
Vaseline Blue Seal’s massive free public relations, thanks to one notorious Mr Ananias Mathe (remember him of slip persuasion), turned out to be phantom. The slippery substance, made from petroleum, on which we all grew up, was not enough to slip Mathe through C-MAX bars on his way to freedom. The answer then, as obvious as it was at the start of Minister Balfour’s enquiry, was that Err Mathe simply forfeited some of the cash he earned by robbing and killing, to some greedy prison officials in exchange for a few months’ freedom. By the way, I do apologise if his picture offends you!

Gero loses her voice
I laughed the other day listening to an ad from the Department of Public Service and Administration. The gist of the radio ad was that the minister, Geraldine Fraser-Moleketi, was thankful that the strike we experienced a few weeks ago is over. She thanks all of those who helped out during the strike etc. Funny thing is, it is not actually the minister speaking on the voice over. How can the minister send a message of such importance, paying hundreds of thousands of rands to several radio stations, and not speak personally on it? Eish eish eish.




Heineken comes to party
I guess it helps to know people who know people sometimes. Following my non-party with Heineken at the Durban July, the Dutch brewer decided to flood my house with Heineken. At first I was afraid, I was petrified…ok. In the end it turns out they quite know what they are doing, those Heinie people in Holland. The stuff is very good to the tongue and it goes down quite well after a long day at the office. So now I’ve started dabbling in beer, more specifically Heineken.

Some BEE talk
The following terms have been approved and become popular in places heavily populated by black people:
- BEE phone = Nokia 9000 and N series cell phones (because BEE types are always seen to be clicking and chatting away on these at trendy spots)
- Tender car = Range Rover Sport (once you get a multi million-rand government tender it is said you immediately purchase one of these)

Five things I hate about dinner parties
- Small talk
- Smiling at people we don’t like
- Limited menu options
- B or C-class and has-been hired entertainers
- Self appointed ‘aunties’ who ask you to line up for them at the buffet table.